“Listening
is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The
friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward,
and we want to sit in their radius. When we are listened
to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
Karl
Menninger
There is an old joke about a Rabbi who secretly goes out
and plays golf on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year
in Jewish tradition and custom. He is playing the game
by himself as all of his friends and members of his community
are in temple praying. The Rabbi shoots a hole in one
on the eighteenth hole. His enthusiasm, however, is short
lived, and he walks off the golf course with his head
bowed. He is depressed. The reason: he has no one to tell
of his accomplishment and triumph.
No
man or woman is an island unto himself or herself. While
each person lives in the privacy of their own world, it
is in the connection we make with others where our true
selves are to be discovered and our potential revealed.
Our
thoughts run about in our minds and seek an outlet for
expression. If there is no outlet for these thoughts,
then pressure can build up in our minds, like water in
a dam. Internally, we experience a blockage, a build up
of pressure, and a need for release of this energy. The
need may be clear or ill defined and vague, but it is
real and compelling. If the currents of our thoughts circle
about in a stagnant manner, we are left with a felt sense
of confusion, irritability or discontent. The privacy
of our world can become lonely, dark, and cold.
However,
once we find someone with whom we can share ourselves
– our thoughts, feelings, and desires, as well as
hopes, disappointments, and dreams – our minds release
that pent up energy seeking to find a home for expression.
Magic occurs when we have someone who is there to listen
and receive this energy. The magic is that in expressing
and just being ourselves, we experience not only what
is, but the potential of what might be.
Many
people set goals and realize that happiness is not only
in the accomplishment of the goal, but in the process
of achieving that goal. It is in the process of achieving
that goal that we become something that was once only
potential, but now has become an actuality.
It
is in the relationship and sharing of this process with
a like minded soul – a friend - that we experience
ourselves most fully, and kindle a flame of happiness
that comes from the knowing – the deep knowing –
that we are in this alone together.
The
most successful people in business – those who achieve
not only their financial goals, but their goals for happiness
and the realization of their human potential, seek to
have good friends, and be a good friend.
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Jonathan
Siegel is a psychologist in private practice
in the province of Ontario, Canada. He specializes in
conducting psychological disability assessments for people
who have been involved in car accidents. Jonathan has
discovered that the difference between people who recover
from car accidents from those that do not is in their
attitude about themselves and the quality of support in
their lives.
Jonathan
is currently making a study of happiness and wealth creation,
and is particularly drawn to the wisdom of Jewish sages
on this topic.
Jonathan
offers one-on-one telephone coaching for individuals who
seek to find the right balance for being happy and creating
wealth in their lives. He also offers a one day workshop
on `Principles of Happiness and Wealth Creation: A Jewish
Perspective’.
Jonathan
can be reached at jes@pathcom.com
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